My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
