she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
