I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
