Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
