The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
