WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
