the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
