i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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