Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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