Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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