when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
