is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
as a side note pls kill me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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