this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
