Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
