how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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