did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
