"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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