ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
