it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
