I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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