So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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