Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
