No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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