and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize