In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We got so high we made milksteak
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
