Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
