Already got asked if we're dating
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
