sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just found puke in my bra..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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