watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
