i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
