One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
