I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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