who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
