Too much gin, very little bucket
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
