I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
