Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
