All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
