she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
