life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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