Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The beer is more important than you right now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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