i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
