Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
