i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
