I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Bring me that man meat
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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