You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
