Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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