All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
