My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
