I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
