What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
