I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
