Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
