You're my little dorito
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
