Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
