The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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