I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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