Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
