Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize