Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
