ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize