note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Panties = found
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
