A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
