Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
