someone get that fucking seahorse.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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