doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
