so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
