Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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