I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
