I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
